Is weakness sufficient?

My shoulder hurts. My shoulder always hurts. On good days it feels like if I could only push my thumb deep enough under my collarbone I could massage my shoulder dislodging the irritant and in doing so, finally enjoy peace. On bad days…

“He caused your dreams to fall” accuses the Thorn.
“My shoulder is injured and His grace is sufficient” I reply.
The Thorn retorts, “You know you could have been in a much different place.”
“But His power is perfect in my weakness.”
“You have become a fool among fools” the Thorn derides.
“I know. That has made all the difference.”

The last time I was not conscious of my shoulder was 1996. I was raised with Christian values, given a Christian education but had only been born-again for about a year when I got hurt. I know this might sound a little prideful so please bear with me, this is not my pride. I grew up loving baseball. I was good at it, physically and more importantly mentally. I threw my first “curveball” in 1983 when I was just 6. It broke about 6 inches to the left and about a foot in the vertical. It was actually a breaking-ball. My 16 year-old cousin taught my how to throw it during one of our daily sandlot games. I threw my last curveball in February of 1996. The ball traveled about 10 feet while I collapsed onto the blue rubber floor of the practice gym. The injury was the Devil’s major frontal attack but the offensive had begun much earlier. It began by simply stealing the joy of a little boy. Let me provide you with a little history. I was a kid who hated to lose, and didn’t even care too much about winning if I didn’t play perfectly. In 7th grade I was playing for my school and in Little League. I threw three “perfect” games that year. Not one was perfect. It wasn’t my Dad or any adult or any kid that told me that these games were not perfect. Each game saw 27 batters put bats back in the rack. The failure was all in my mind. I had lost my ability to just play in my own world and enjoy the moment. I began to measure my performance on a scale that didn’t exist. The Accuser brought doubt into my head because I was dangerous. This is when I first met the Enemy. The Accuser knows God has a great plan for me.

After I got hurt I didn’t pick up a ball until 2002…In a church league. I longed to play the game of my youth but it was different and not just because the pitcher now lobbed the ball over the plate. Last year, 2007, was the first time I enjoyed playing since 1989. I would like to stress this was in a church league, not the elite I spent so many years striving toward. I went into the season really not wanting to play. But I played out of duty and habit. I prayed that God would just give me the strength to throw the ball from first to the mound without too much pain. I took a lot of Advil too, maybe not fully trusting God. Then I started praying that God would really use this team. God did something marvelous. He built a team of brothers with a wonderful unity. In a way it was like returning to field I shared with my cousins. We were men reveling in a boys game. Joking, talking, teaching and caring for each other like I’ve never seen. We built relationships among each other that extended outside of the lines. We brought our families together. We were in each other's lives. God’s Spirit moved. We where believers gathering and God’s presence was felt. God’s presence heals, spiritually, emotionally and physically. My shoulder is still injured, the physical pain is persistent, but my joy has returned. I can’t tell you in words what was different last year. Only that I didn’t need to analyze every play after the game. I was able to have fun again. I can tell you that it was cathartic. That emptiness that was carved out so many years ago has been filled. The salt the Enemy poured into the wound was washed out. I feel satiated. I could hang up my cleats with no regrets, but I won’t. I want to pass on what I’ve learned to you and to my family.

The Enemy is after me and every man. My duty is to ask why is God allowing this attack. In II Corinthians (12:7-10) Paul talks about how the Enemy is hounding him and why God allows this pestering. The Enemy wants to destroy me. God wants me to rely on His strength, provision, love and grace. The Accuser can do nothing against the hand of God. God wants me to understand that His grace is sufficient for me. I need to know that God is strong in my weakness. This is a very difficult lesson. As men we are trained or maybe even formed to fix the problems we encounter. We're supposed to "Cowboy up." I'm sure like myself, you are very good as solving the problems, the strife in your life. But you, like me, are fallible. We make mistakes, we can't handle every situation. My God, Jesus Christ, is willing and able, capable and infallible. His grace is sufficient for me. His strength is perfect when mine is exhausted. When I’m shaken to my foundation, the Rock has not faltered. It’s about humility and relationship. I, and every man, need to know that I am a fool. I am nothing without Him who strengthens me. Perfect doesn’t exist, except in the Father, and yet I have desired to be perfect for so long. I desire and strive something I can not achieve but will someday be given. I am the very definition of a fool. I have been trying to attain perfection in my own strength when I should have rested in His grace, which is sufficient. In my struggle to reach perfection I have been shaken to my foundation, every stone tossed to the ground. My Rock has not faltered. My Rock was with me on the blue rubber floor, in that hospital bed, in rehab and ever since. I landed on my Rock. I have landed repeatedly on my Rock. My Rock is aways there and has not faltered. The days I can’t pick up my 20lb daughter, my God has shown glimmers of his perfection. She learned to climb onto the couch next to me on a day when I was overcome and could not pick her up. I know it sounds foolish. I know it sounds like coincidence. With all the grace of my tongue I can't explain this to you any better than saying that He, Jesus Christ, is perfect in my weakness. I will never again throw ball the way I used to but my Thorn has taught me well. I am nothing but a fool and God’s strength and grace are sufficient for all my needs. This is what I will teach my daughter all the days of my life. Be a fool, trust in the unseen God, be patient in your weakness and don’t run from it because God’s grace is sufficient for you and He is perfect in your weakness.

God Bless.